i started applying for jobs in august and although I have gotten interview invites, i’m still heartbroken from not getting the jobs. to be honest? i didn’t like some of the jobs but they were jobs and i didn’t mind. there were only two i like — one i didn’t get because i lived far away; the other one, i think it’s because i didn’t do well on the test. i have been incredibly sad. i have prayed to god, affirmed and manifested and it seems like there’s no answer. these past days, i have felt like my life is going to end, like my future is bleak and god has left me and it’s over. i have felt the most pity for myself and i feel so pathetic, so helpless.
today, i decided to leave the house so i can breathe and to also read a book. i feel a little better now even though i’m crying as i write this. on my way home, i thought of how to feel better and i came up with stuff to do to take my mind off my current situation. i have decided to read more about my dream job. that way, i get to do better at the interviews and tests. but the most important thing for me was unstopping the urge to feel pity for myself. life may not go as i want right now, it doesn’t mean life is bad. i think about my first physical interview a lot. it was exactly the kind of job i want. “we were impressed with your application” was what the hr wrote to me when they wanted to invite me for the interview. the second job i also wanted said the same and so are the other jobs that have invited me for an interview even though i didn’t like them. all of these mean that i’m not bad. the fact that i have been in these spaces that i dream of; the fact that i was sought after. i may not have gotten the jobs but i was given a chance because i am doing a great job. and even though my heart still feels heavy and i’m begging god to make me feel light, this realisation lessened the heaviness.
i’m going to end this by saying, there’s no such thing as ‘opportunity comes but once’ because the universe is so expansive. if you let it, it’ll drop as many life changing opportunities at your feet. and what makes you think that if you’ve experienced great spaces and things and pple, you can’t experience them again and even more immensely? god is beautiful and he never stops being beautiful.
